Lies we Tell About Others

We don’t mean any harm, well, not really.

Yet we try to shift the blame to someone else.

“It’s not me. They are responsible.”

How does this lie keep us from seizing audacious opportunities?

In our last post we discussed the lies we tell ourselves about ourselves. In this post, we discuss the lies we tell about others. In the following post, we discuss the lies we tell about our future. This series is is part of an ongoing series about setting and achieving audacious goals.

Those that follow me have seen my recent pivot from Murfield International, Inc. to my collaboration with real estate broker Patrick Lynch. Together we work to help leaders in business, real estate, and sales achieve their TOTAL Career Growth. TOTAL stands for Taking Others To Audacious Levels. To reach astounding levels we help them to think bigger, reach higher, and be willing to do what others think is impossible.  To do that, we must use critical thinking. We set ourselves up for failure when we base our future on personal opinions rather than credible sources. We utilize online and in-person coaching, training, and speaking, and podcasts to help our clients.

Truth and Lies about Others

“They” Messages

“They” messages shift from personal doubts and declarations to blaming others. Something is not possible because others stand in our way. “They” prevent our success. Often these lies focus on an injustice we suffer at the hands of someone else. Therefore, we rightfully place the blame on them.  

They did . . .

  • wrong.
  • it first.

They should . . .

  • be more responsible.
  • be less selfish.
  •  take the lead.
  •  look out for others.

They didn’t . . .

  •   uphold their end of the deal.
  •   help me.

They won’t . . .

  • help me.
  • allow it.

The Audacious Truth

Using “they” shifts the responsibility in an effort to relieve us from any guilt. “We might have done something wrong, but THEY are more responsible.” Notice the audacious lie? Blaming someone else doesn’t seize the opportunity. It doesn’t even take away our guilt. The only thing it does is pretend to take away the perception of guilt. The punishment is the same. When we believe the lie and blame others, we still lose. The audacious opportunity to develop our character by owning up to and changing our flawed behavior is lost.

Notice how that works going forward. The next time a great opportunity emerges, we are looking to someone else to solve the problem. Sometimes we don’t even know who but we blame “them” for not helping. Someone, somewhere, needed to help us and they didn’t. Notice how the “They” messages foster the victim role.

The audacious lie is that we can become a hero by playing the victim. That will never happen because the hero overcomes any obstacle. If he or she does not, then the story is not a romance but a tragedy. By definition, the hero overcomes the obstacles.

Notice the effect of that lie. The next time we see an audacious opportunity, we will take a victim mentality. We hope and dream of success, but we are quickly detailing the potential blame for not pursuing that opportunity. In other situations, we engage the opportunity but are subconsciously cataloging the injustice.

The audacious truth is that great things happen when good people work together. Each needs to be personally responsible and there needs to be an accountability within the group. However, the “they” messages serve no purpose. If you are a cohesive team, take your personal responsibility and hold others accountable to what they understand to be their role. At the least, “they” messages need to be rephrased into “we.” From there, we each need to hold tightly to the positive “I” messages.

Pivot Your Thinking

Pivot from blame to accountability with the following empowering statements. Your success in sales, supervision, and leadership depend on whether or not you are believing the truth. Are you telling yourself lies about the past? Or lies about the past? Maybe you are telling yourself lies about who you are and what you can do.

I have seen many suffer from the lies they believe. Do yourself a favor. Quit lying to yourself about what is possible. Quit blaming other and take responsibility for your past, present, and future.

  • I will do my part.
  • I will lead.
  • I will take the initiative.
  • I will follow-up.
  • I will do whatever it takes to seize this audacious opportunity.




Loren Murfield, PhD

I work with leaders and entrepreneurs in small business, sales and Real Estate to think bigger and reach higher to find their breakthrough success. Contact me to begin thinking bigger.

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