I knew the client wasn’t going to like hearing what I had to say.
But to get to where he wanted to go, he needed to hear it.
“The problem isn’t your wife or your father. As much as I hate to say this, the problem is you.”
As you can imagine, he didn’t take it well.
What if I told you that the biggest obstacle to your success is you?
To be completely honest, I know it has been for me. If only I had fired those 9 internal personalities earlier. Once I did, my success came quickly.
In this post, as in the previous post, we discuss firing 9 destructive personalities. In the previous post, we discussed firing those 9 personalities around us, in this post, we look inside. By addressing these 9, you may find the courage and avenue to make the pivot you didn’t expect but will greatly appreciate. Won’t that feel great?
Those that follow me know I write on pivotal success. I’m passionate about helping you break out and breakthrough, thinking bigger to reach higher. I believe each of us should be living 100% alive. To do that we must make strategic decisions based on verified facts. To achieve what we ultimately want, we must lead ourselves, build our top-notch internal team, by honing our skills, acquiring vital knowledge about ourselves, and adjusting our attitude.
NOTE: This is a sensitive post. Many times we don’t want to admit our mistakes, even to ourselves. I’m not asking you to air your weaknesses, but to be honest with yourself. In the process, I’m also asking you to be bold with yourself, standing up to the excuses and dysfunction each of us harbors. When we do, our breakthrough is in sight. Won’t that feel great?
“You can’t do that?”
When we have an idea to do what we never thought possible, we often hear the doubter dump a bucket of ice-cold water on it. Do you recognize the voice? It is that little voice inside your head that sounds like your mother, father, brother, sister, teacher, or another from previous days. They had their reasons for saying it and you remembered it.
“I’m just being realistic,” that little devil voice says. “After all, who do you think you are?”
Listening to the doubter temps us to limit our ultimate aspirations, which oftentimes means doing what others consider ‘impossible.” We haven’t done it so they don’t think we can ever do it.
Worse yet, the doubter seeks to determine your identity as someone who will never do _______________.
Say it out loud. Identify the voice(s). Look in the mirror and say it. Be bold because that internal voice doesn’t don’t who you are or what you can do. You do.
Fire them. Say, “I’m not listening to you. You are wrong. I can do more than you think.”
Doubt is a terminal cancer if not eradicated. Believe in yourself and don’t let those old voices convince you otherwise.
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“No way. No how. I’m not doing that.”
Our knee-jerk reaction to doing what we ultimately want often comes with challenges that are, at first, totally intimidating. There is no way we could possibly consider it so we blurt out our answer, slamming the door on the opportunity.
Recognize that feeling and that voice. To do what we ultimately do, we often need help from a collaborator, not a denier. Our old selves are comfortable while our new selves want to explore. Challenge the denier with the potential of what you ultimately want. Tell them there is no room for the denier. Either they become a collaborator or they are not on the team.
Fire your Internal Denier.
They will never help you because they have a hidden agenda and will keep you where you have been, not where you want to go.
Each of us has a little voice inside that wants to protect our dysfunction. “That’s just the way I am.” “I’m naturally impulsive, fiery, impatient . . .” To do what we ultimately want, we must hone new skills, acquire new knowledge, and adopt better attitudes. That means leaving the old self behind. To do that, we must fire the enabler because they only want to protect our dysfunction, which will stifle our success.
Fire the enabler.
Be honest with yourself. Yes, that is who you have been but it doesn’t mean it is who you will be in the future. Don’t make excuses for your dysfunction. Don’t protect it. Pivot from it. Scaffold around it.
This may be the hardest one to fire, because our enabler is our identity and closest friend. They love us despite our weaknesses. Unfortunately, they are not helping us get to where we want to ultimately go.
We must fire them.
When we turn our attention to getting what we ultimately want, it is easy to become laser-focused and more than a bit selfish. We do become a bit impatient and intolerant of anyone who won’t help us. Be careful not to become a taker.
A taker is one who always takes more than they give. They are not interested in helping others get what they ultimately want unless the taker first gets what they want. They essentially say, “Get out of my way. That’s mine.”
To get what you ultimately want, become the collaborator to help others get what they want. But don’t be misguided. Keep your focus and don’t give away your success. Your ultimate success is a balancing act.
You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.
When tempted to push someone out of the way to impatiently get what you want, fire the taker inside. You don’t want to become them.
This is a very delicate balance. For more on this, listen to Adam Grant discuss Givers and Taker.
“I don’t do that.”
You cannot make a successful pivot based on wrong information, untruths, or bald-faced lies. Those that cannot be authentic, open, and completely honest will stand in your way.
That includes lying to yourself.
Fire the temptation to lie.
Without complete honesty, your strategy and action plan will be blindsided by unforeseen obstacles. You cannot that happen. Instead, you want to forecast the obstacles (along with the opportunities) and create a plan B and C that ensures your ultimate success.
Don’t deceive yourself. Don’t lie to yourself. Yes, often the truth is difficult to hear but you can’t build your pivot on a lie or a fantasy.
Fire the internal liar.
Just as there is a temptation to become a taker, there is also a competitor inside that says you need to beat everyone else.
Fire that internal competitor because they always need to win.
You don’t always have to win. In fact, many times collaboration gives both parties more than what they originally desired.
You don’t need to win at the cost of someone else. Yes, you want your success and sometimes that means coming in first. But don’t let that competitive spirit push away important collaborators.
Fire the internal competitor. Don’t be the person that has to win every time. Don’t be that person who always has to be the center of attention.
That internal competitor is selfish, insecure, and small-minded. Fire them.
As you develop your strategic plan for achieving your ultimate success, you will become passionate about your vision and how you think things should be done. However, that temptation to allow the internal Dictator to rule is extremely dangerous.
Fire the internal dictator before they gain power.
The dictator loves power and demands control. Yes, you are the Captain of your ship and will make the final decisions. However, you need good advisors and need to listen to them.
Fire the Internal Dictator. Listen to your trusted advisors and then make the important decision. Your level of success is your choice but that doesn’t mean you don’t listen to those that provide good information.
A promise builds hope but an empty promise erodes the spirit.
How many times do we promise ourselves that we a) won’t do that again, or b) will make a change but never follow through? We might have had the best intentions but didn’t deliver on the promise.
Work quickly to convert every promise into a commitment. Deliver every time. Hold yourself accountable.
Remember, the Internal Promisers (those that promise but don’t deliver) will never get you to your ultimate success.
Fire them quickly. Deliver on your promise every time.
#9: Excuse Makers
I’ve saved this for last because it is so important.
Excuses are for losers.
Forgive me if that sounds harsh. But let’s face it, excuses are made by those that didn’t deliver and don’t want to take responsibility. We make excuses to absolve ourselves of any guilt. We either didn’t work hard enough or smart enough. Then we multiply the problem by blaming others, the world, or “just the way things work.”
To get what we ultimately want, we often need to experiment, using trial and error based on the best information available. When failure happens, as it will, don’t spend time blaming and don’t include those who do. Focus on the process and moving forward. Looking back and placing blame won’t get you to your goal.
Instead of making an excuse, pivot to taking responsibility. Own your actions. Tell yourself, “That’s my fault” when it is.
At the same time, analyze what went wrong and why. Logically determine what needs to be fixed and then fix it. Lose the emotions to make your next attempt with every effort to succeed. Work so hard and smart that there is no need for an excuse.
Fire the Excuse Maker.
Make your pivot today. Whatever decision you made, begin right now to move toward your ultimate goal. Life has too many phenomenal opportunities to settle for the ordinary.
Contact me for your FREE 20-minute Coaching Call.
THINK BIGGER – SEE THE OPPORTUNITIES
REACH HIGHER – DO THE WORK
DO THE IMPOSSIBLE – DARE TO REACH EVEN HIGHER THAN ANYONE EXPECTED
I am Dr. Loren Murfield, and I develop aspiring and emerging leaders pivot to their breakthrough success. Contact me today to begin your pivot.
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